Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Will I Ever be Able To Forgive Him?

Today I am going to write a post that is a little different than my usual content. As it is the anniversary of my little sister's death. In two days is her birth date. On May 19th, 1979. She died May 17th, 1997. The dates of birth and death have always been strange to me. 

I remember the evening clearly when I found out my sister was dead. I remember the cops coming and knocking on my back door of my one room apartment. My oldest son was just a child at the time. Around six years old. He opened the door. As I was getting out of the shower. The best I could do was to be able to get a long shirt on before I noticed the cops standing at my back door.

I remember driving in town. It all seem surreal. Remembering what the cops had said.  Replaying it over and over in my brain.There had been a wreck. The driver was playing a game to scare the girls. As he drove off the road and back on. Coming to a brick bridge embankment, where he crashed. The truck rolled down and landed in the creek. As it caught on fire.  Everyone seem to be gone. As I went from house to house.  

Later the driver apologized. As he said he didn't see it til it was to late. As he was driving in area he was unfamiliar with coming back from Cedar Point. I thought in my head at the time, he had caused my sisters death with his carelessness. Would I ever be able to forgive him?

You see my sister was living in a foster home at the time of her death. She was moving back home to mom's on her birthday. That is all she talked about was moving back home. She never got the chance.

I did eventually forgive him. It did take some time. As it hurt knowing my sister's last wish to move back home was never fulfilled. In a way, it was. As I believe she is in a better place. I believe she is at home in Heaven awaiting til the day we can see each other again.

Today, I went and visited her grave. There was a small orange butterfly flying around her grave. The butterfly seem content on flying and staying around me. I did ask the butterfly to stop moving. So, I can take a picture. As I was not going to hurt it. It stayed motionless long enough for me to get a picture. Than it flew away. Can you see it?

I turned and looked at my boyfriend. I told him that butterflies are suppose to be a symbol of our loved ones who were able to move on from this world. If it is true, I had no idea which relative it was. As I pointed out my grandpa and grandma Rhodes grave, my little sisters and the unmarked grave of my Uncle Robert Rhodes grave.

I am secretly hoping the butterfly was a symbol of my little sister. As I have had several dreams that she was in a bright and beautiful place. The most beautiful dreams I have ever had, had her in them.

Whether you believe in the butterfly as a symbolic symbol,  dead loved ones sending the living signs, or anything supernatural. Just remember to respect the beliefs of others who do not believe in the same things as you.

May all the loves ones who pass before us, be at peace.


  1. Sandy, it can be hard to forgive in such cases. I had some forgiving to do when my son died in his accident at 14. It should not have happened. I like to think the Lord was giving him one of his wishes as he rode a jet ski to heaven. I'm sorry for your loss.

  2. Very sad story, I am glad you set your self free by forgiving him.

  3. So sorry to hear about your loss. I believe that the butterfly was your relative if not your sis. During the wake of my father a few weeks ago, a butterfly, sometimes moth and grasshopper stayed near his casket during our nightly prayer. It was awesome to see and the moth even landed to my shoulder and stayed there for a few minutes.


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