Saturday, March 21, 2015

A - Z Emotions Challenge : Complicated

I am a day late getting this post out. My life got busy yesterday. To be honest I sent most of the day on the toilet. I missed a package that came yesterday because of it. I had to go to the post office to pick it up this morning. Some days I feel my life is more complicated compared to others.

To explain where I am at in life is complicated. One place I like to express myself is Facebook. I am connected to my online friends where I seek out advice and when i want to socialize with other people. I have a separate Facebook for Family or acquaintances. I have two because my estranged husband was stalking me. He would befriend who I was connected with. He would ask how the person knew me. Basically grill them. To the point I was loosing friends. 

I really don't blame the people not wanting to get involved. It is frustrating to have to explain myself over and over. It feels like I am either not being heard or people don't care enough to pay attention to what I have to say. Like I said it is complicated.

Another complicated attempt at happiness : Trying for a divorce. In the state of Ohio, if children are involved. You must get a divorce. No dissolution, no separation. I have been quoted $2000 up front by lawyers to start a divorce.  No one is willing to take payments. The most I have ever had at one time saved up is $600. I have tried. However, something always comes up. 

Back in 2013, my estranged husband said he would grant me a divorce, he would pay for it, as he knows i want to move on with my life. I wonder if that was a ploy. As nothing has been file or started. Long story short, if I wait a little over 3 years. My kids will all be adults. I can file online for as little as $300. Like I said, it is complicated.

Dreaming of owning a house complication : I walked to a bank and asked what would it take for me to apply for a loan to buy a house. I was upfront about everything to the lady. She wanted me to start applying that day. She was sure I could get a loan. However, it would take actual eye son the application. Not the computer. As it seem I have no credit. 

I had to get a bunch of paperwork around. I did but the bank wanted more. They wanted a copy of my child support order. I didn't have it. I called child support. They do not have a copy either. They have to request one from the state of Florida. I live in Ohio. Florida doesn't like working with Ohio. I was warned it could take months to receive it. The date for the loan could go and go by time the paper arrives. Thus, I could not be approved for the loan in time or at all. LIke I said it is complicated.

My relationship with my daughter is complicated : My daughter is a teenager. She has ADHD, ODD, with a  comprehensive issue. She is one big drama queen. She will throw a fit til she gets her way. Out of all three of my children. I have been called to the school more for my daughter than I have for both boys combined. 

Yes, she has raised her hands to me. She has left bruises, cuts and knocked bones out of place. I refuse to involve the cops. As I belief placing my daughter in jail will not help her but make her worse. She has mental issues. I do not believe people with mental issues belong in jail. I think they need to get outside sources of help. 

Her attitude has slowed down and she hasn't touched me in about a month. Summer is coming up. She always gets worse in the summer when she feels she is cooped up all the time. She is learning her responsibilities and her actions she louder than anything she can say. Slowly my approach is working, where the therapist and psychiatrist has failed. Like I said, it is complicated

It seems my life has been become one big complication. I am handling it by taking one step at a time. I look forward, hold my head high, and mainly keep everything inside. I make mistakes, I learn from them and move on. Crossing each hurdle that is placed in front of me gives me the confidence to keep going. It lets me know I am making the step in the right direction.

Every Friday, I will be doing the next letter in the alphabet based on a emotion. To learn about this challenge. Please click the photo below.                                         

Here is a list of my other writings in this series :


  1. Indeed, your life seems complicated! I do know about the divorce issue, as I've been separated from my ex since 2003 and have not been able to divorce him yet either, for financial reasons, naturally.

    Some day I'd like a little piece of land in the middle of nowhere with a tiny house on it. As long as it has internet access I could care less about anything else. In reality, right now I just want to be able to keep a roof over mine and my dog's head!

    Great to see you writing to the ABC Challenge, Sandy!

  2. Oh so you can understand it is not something I am trying to avoid. Keeping a roof over yours and dogs heads is a priority. Everything else be obtained later.

    I Know if I do not get this house loan. I have decided to start traveling about the kids reach of age and move out.


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