Friday, May 15, 2015

A - Z Emotions Challenge K - Kept Away

This is the eleventh post I have written in a series of 26 weeks Emotional Challenge. This week's letter is "K". I am going to write about being kept away.

When I was young around four years old. My dad started seeing another woman. Sometimes dad would take my siblings and I with him. So, we can play with her daughter. Eventually my dad and mom divorced. During the divorce my moment to look for a lawyer. My mom allowed my siblings to be with my dad. My dad kept my siblings and I away from our mother.

At the time I didn't understand why we were being kept away from our mother. I always adored my mom and thought she was a good mom.

Evidently the judge thought otherwise. I know now many people stood up against my mother and lied for my father to get custody of my siblings and I. Even my own grandmother stood up against my mother.

I learned through the years of being kept away from my mother that she didn't have much money. My dad had a good paying job. One of the best in the area. Money talked back then. It caused my siblings and I to be kept away from our mother.

By time we were old enough to choose who live we, after the judge talk to each of us siblings in his chambers alone, my mom was granted full custody of the three of us. I was in eighth grade at the time. I remember that year like it was yesterday. I remember us moving to Deshler,Ohio. That town would be my families undoing. 

As my younger sister threatened my mother with a  butcher knife while she was pregnant with my baby brother. She also threatened to knock her down the stairs to cause her to lose the baby. My sister was out of control. My sent her back to live with my father.

My older sister started drinking and having sex. My mother did not know how to handle it. So, she sent her back to our dad's too. The funny thing is, I didn't do anything wrong but I too was sent back to live with my dad. My dad said if my sister goes back, so did I. That he did not want us separated. I had not seen him in a year. However, I was being punished for something my siblings were doing. I cried my eyes out.

Things escalated pretty quickly. My siblings and I knew our stepmother hated us. She never made no bones about hiding it. Her daughter hated us and would tell lies us to get out of trouble. Anything she did was blamed on us. We were there to do the chores and shut our mouths, period. I wondered how could our mother do this. Why me? I did nothing wrong. I did what I was told.

Once again we were kept away from our mother. Being allowed to talk to our mother for three minutes at a time. Many times my sisters took up to much time. Thus, I missed my chance to talk to my mother. That hurt real deep.

Being kept away from my mother was one of the worse things I ever felt. I cried for months at night til I cried myself to sleep. I could handle the cruel words, the screaming and daily beatings. Not seeing my mother or able to hear her voice telling me she loved me hurt bad. Feeling like I had noone to turn to talk to hurt.

Becoming an adult and having my own kids. I learned being  a parent is never easy. To many people take the easy way out. My dad hated my mother. He choose to punish her by keeping her children away at the same time allowing abuse to happen. 

All the while I heard people talk down about my mother and praise my father for raising such good girls. Knowing what I know hurt. People don't want to hear the truth. To many turn a blind and pretend it doesn't happen.

I learned that because a parent is no longer with the other parent. They would use the kids to hurt each other out of spite. I hope and pray I have never done that with my children. I know I have made mistakes. I have never tried to intentionally keep my children away from the other parent.

However, I also know there are rules that need to be followed. Otherwise I could risk losing my children like my mother did the first time. How does a parent who was shot and disabled by her estranged husband handle visitation with their father?

This series was started by Ruth Cox, a good friend and great writer. To learn more about it. Please click on the photo below.

* This article is a 26 week part series of A - Z Emotions Challenged.

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